The Cost of Perfection

I've come to learn that searching for perfect is more detrimental than accepting reality. On the quest for no mistakes, no issues or problems....or rather no flaws, one may unseemingly create a bigger....flaw..for lack of a better word, than what was begun with. One strives so hard at altering reality that every day situations are almost overlooked, to the point that one always thinks futuristic-ally but not on the present...that which exists now.

The danger of the quest of perfection is destruction. In the attempt of reaching a dream/vision of perfection, one can unknowingly kill those things surrounding them (i.e. friendships, spirits, flesh, etc.) As seen on both an emotional and physical level there is no possible way of finding perfect. The search for perfect almost always leads to anything besides that...perhaps another headache...

Gain content.

Be happy for the Imperfections
           for Perfection COSTS More.

E. Ross

Forever Yours

Originally written : Friday, October 29, 2009  (for an old friend)

The tallest mountain couldn’t stand in my way

Lightning could strike knocking out all power and your smile would still brighten my day

An earthquake meant to separate us couldn’t keep me from you

A tornado’s fury could blow me away but the strongest of winds couldn’t keep from coming back to you

Hail could fall from the heavens destroying everything in its path

But only the tests of time will be proof in how long we last

No seemingly insurmountable obstacle will ever be more than just that

If for you on my death bed I’d allow that line to go flat

All the words in the world could never describe exactly how I feel

I could write a thousand poems, a million letters and none of them would say everything and that’s real

I’d give my all at any given moment or time

If I were the sun and you were the moon, my illumination I’d share just so you could shine

If strength were all I had to show

I’d knock out the strongest of boxers with just one blow

Even after all of the romance, flowers, and gifts are no more exciting

My love won’t be unending and my heart forever inviting

Tests and trials, both guarantees in life

Won’t be my exit, because giving up isn’t an option and you’re definitely worth the fight

When unexpected conditions show up in your forecast, trust I can weather the storm

I’ll be that humanly comfort, that guide, that strength when you’re weak and worn

Through hardships, through success, championships and even closed doors

No matter the circumstances or situation, I’m down, willing and ready for whatever, but most importantly forever yours

There's Only One, You

There's got to be a reason
Nobody's good enough
No matter how many suitors
I just can't pick one

I say it's not you
and I claim it's not true
But if push came to shove
Shonuff it's you

But I'd deny the false claim
Just to dodge the most obvious clues
This one was tall and that one, eyes blue
They all made me smile
but neither was you

I played for so long
They began to believe
That maybe you no longer
mattered to me

but deep down inside
when I'm telling him no
I'm dreaming you'd come back
and love me one mo
Time is what we don't have
cause seasons don't last
They just come to interrupt
the comfort we have

See those things can change
and so can we
I guess I'm just waiting
for us to be
again, so maybe we've been here
why can't you ever say
but all we are are friends
is what both of us say

I remember the passion,
the flame in your eyes
as you looked up at me
as I laid in your arms

You told me you loved me
that I was the dearest
Friend you'd known
You made me believe this
Or maybe you didn't
Maybe I was the reason
You've gotten so important
I can't see past your region
down there where the air is clear
and I move, you move
our movements making tears appear...
But! wait my dear
You don't know of these things
for you always feared
Of what would become if we shared

that passion, that lust
This could've been us!
But I digress
Nonetheless
let's just start over
and clean up this mess
then maybe I can love someone
If I stop thinking
You're the only best.

My Only Regret

call me crazy, but I've always wanted you. When I first saw you I gave you no thought because I was sure you gave me none either. I remember looking across the room and thinking I noticed you gazing at me, but letting it go, cause I was sure it couldn't have been me you were staring at. I remember our first encounter like it was yesterday. I'll never forget your smile, that same knowing smile, as if whatever you're thinking is the most perfect outcome of the situation you're in. It hurt me to find out you were already taken, but I was eager to gain your friendship nonetheless and was quite excited that you felt the same. Seeing you out at parties was the funniest. I was the socialite while you held up the wall, but no matter where we were we'd always end up near each other. I remember how our friendship progressed. Random visits and nights changed the scope of the friendship and we remained in each others corner. Your long distance relationship didn't last and I hopped right into one. You didn't budge as you watched me fall in love and I often wondered why I was still so eager to keep in touch with you. My relationship slowly but surely dwindled away and though I wanted you to be more sensitive to my hurt, you were still there. Then came that in between period, a time I now realize maybe I should've jumped at the opportunity to capture...but my mind and my heart weren't on one accord. No matter how many nights you slept over or how many conversations we had, I just wasn't ready. I remember the night before you left to move away, you came and visited, and stayed quite awhile. I felt special and clearly unaware that there was a chance I might lose you. The summer went on, only for things not to happen as you had planned. And certainly for things not to have unfolded in your life that affected me. How dare you come back with a whole girlfriend? Even when you'd promised you'd come back for me..I remember our conversation...but that was then and this is now. You're still with her and we've tried the friendship thing but my heart can't accept the fact that you're gone, the fact that you're not mine...I don't want to be mean as I am and cut you off but I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. You claim that you stayed around when I was in a relationship, but I'm a female and you're a male. I can't sit back and watch you fall in love and be okay with it, when all I can feel is that it should be me...I've come to grips with reality, but Lord knows if I could do it all again I would. I don't want to let you go...even though you're already gone. 

8/19/2011

if we became one would that make you forget everything
would conquering as many as you can no longer matter as ensuring
could us change your mindset on what you think of longevity
could our friendship be the defining factor of love and prosperity
I can see it but can you
i hope and pray for us to be just two
but I guess it's taking longer for you to admit it
I know of the fear that lurks behind commitment
I want so much for us and dream of the day it is
you proclaiming yourself as hers and me as his
not to be confused with lust we've reached a turning point
I love you as a friend but I'm ready to love with the sole purpose of us becoming joint

08/16/2011

I want you for my self 
tired of sharing with the rest
I don't understand how you can't see it
they're just for fun but you & I fit the best 
I play it off and laugh it up  
even listen to your escapades 
you know the truth and I do too
yet we keep playing this game of charades
is it brown sugar love, that movie love 
that one day it'll hit u kinda love 
or am I foolish to even consider futuristic 
will you ever change for us
prepared to accept reality I don't expect my dream to come true
though it angers me sometimes 
at least there's friendship 
but above all else I'd like to grow old with you 

Triangular Love

No, it doesn't hurt, but this is what I feel
You're in the middle so you in a win win situation 
You got the better part of the deal 
I can't seem to press the delete button or let it all go
You franchise on my misery 
And she, well this love shit is all for show
I remember every fucking night
I can tell u bout each fucking moment
But she has the right to feel like the victim?
When did I become the other woman? 
You, always talking bout friendship 
when this was never built on that 
I'm forced to come to my own grips with the shit 
Cause your coward ass won't admit or face the facts
When the tables were turned you didn't know mine
But this time around you just happened to pick someone close to me
Someone pretty near to me so I can't pretend to be blind 
Like you supposedly did and always talking bout it's unfair 
just cause he was there, we were here and of course you didn't care
So now you wanna play the role having me feeling like I'm in the wrong 
When this chic don't even know it 
but it's been me & you all along 
Four fucking years with this back & forth shit 
you & me both in and out of relationships 
I don't know what kinda friendship this is
but I tell u what, if she come to me wit some bullshit 
yo ass is on blast cause u been mine 
so tell that to ya bitch 


P.S. I hate you for this.



"I guess I'll see you next lifetime" -E. Badu

Moving On

So, they say don't put your eggs all in one basket. Okay, I messed up and did. For the second time, I chose the person I'd known the longest and buried feelings for over the new person I had a chance to grow with. In both cases I had to decide who I wanted most. Now, looking back, I realized I made the wrong choices. A friend of mine once told me, "Sometimes time doesn't mean anything," concerning relationships, and I'm beginning to think he was absolutely right. I'm the one to always go for what's comfortable than something new and unfamiliar. I've never been good with change, so I always choose to stay within my comfort zone. And ironic enough, I'm always the one screaming, "Take a risk!"...except when it comes to matters of the heart. The shits too scary...

I digress. Anyway, in the most recent situation I chose my past over a potential future and wound up looking like a fool. The potential stuck around, even during my break up, waiting, but eventually had to move on after I'd kept him waiting for so long. I called myself 'not ready', when in actuality I was waiting around for someone to come back in my life, who'd already decided they wanted out. Scarred by the effects it left on me, I decided to guard my heart, while another person tried so hard to break the shell.

Well, unfortunately, now he's in a relationship...actually both of them are, but the guy I had an opportunity to start fresh and new with and wouldn't give the time of day, we're still friends and it kinda kills me to know that I passed up such a great opportunity because I was so busy looking back. So busy thinking that the time factor would actually play a role in me keeping what, or in this case, who I wanted. I allowed my emotions to control me so much so until now I realize keeping my guard up wasn't as "keeping me hurt free" as I'd expected. 

“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.” — Michael Cibenko

May 17th 2011

You take advantage of the fact that you know I'll always be around and be there for you cause you know I genuinely loved you and forgave you when I did nothing to deserve what happened. You moved on and are now in love with someone whom you prob shouldn't have ever been with in the first place and now you hurt and seeking comfort from the truest love you ever had. Ain't it funny how life goes around? I wish I could tell you all of this and have you realize it should be me, but it's not up to me to make that decision or have you realize it. You really hurt me and through all of that I forgave you and never stopped loving you. Now, I don't know if that makes me a foolish dreamer or a patient lover but I do know I can't have you coming in and out of my life for sympathy. Even though it doesn't hurt like it used to it also doesn't feel good to have the person I love find comfort in me about someone they're in love with & I guess that's moreso my problem than yours...which is why I'm making this the last chapter. I can't really say goodbye but I guess it's time to stop living in this fantasy that you'll come back, and actually re-open my heart for someone who may be better for me...though that's always scared me, that there may be no one, but oh well. If the Lord sees fit to have us become one again, that'd be great but I guess I need to snap out of it once and for all.

Willpower: Strength V Weakness

Willpower is what gives us our strength. It can be argued to be the instrument that measures our strength and the hidden reality that harbors our strength.

If I were to ask a group of people when they felt their weakest, I'm sure the majority of them would answer, "When I gave in to..." So then, if we know the measure of our strength, what is the true meaning of weakness? Is it giving in to a desire of some form that you know is no good for you? Is it not attempting something that you may very well be good at? Is it allowing your mind to be succumbed to more than unfavorable thoughts? Is it wishing your future will yield the results of an incomprehensible dream? Is it opening your mouth and spilling your guts or keeping silent and dismissing the notion?

Who is to say these things equate to weakness and whose to say they don't?

What is ironic about the situation is that there are never any direct answers but in this era there's a cliche for everything. 'What is meant to be will be' 'Everything happens for a reason' 'You never know until you try' Never a solid answer one can use to make their decision on, because according to those theories, it's

all up to chance. Where is the

certainty? and What will make you most comfortable in sticking with your choice? But most importantly who determines if you're weak by giving in OR holding it in? Having grown up an advocate for the latter, I'm beginning  to examine new options. Afraid of vulnerability so I avoid it. Fear being equivalent to weak so which is the right choice!? Some say pretending until it's real, or 'fake it to u make it," is a definition of strength, while others say "you're bold! you're courageous!" if you take risks. Sooo which is the lesser of the two because I can see in both cases how a person could feel weak...

I figure if there were any certainties in life there would be no need for strength vs weakness, emotionally, mentally and spiritually speaking. There'd simply be Us, living and doing as we pleased daily...which we apparently are...(i.e. willpower)

maybe the battle is self-imposed. maybe there is no strong or weak, only realists and hopefuls. Maybe it doesn't matter, when in fact it really does. And maybe you want to take the chance because you feel you have nothing to lose. Maybe you'd rather not say a thing because you feel you know for sure the outcome...

Maybe you don't know but fear keeps you from trying But also from walking away...

I'm gonna stick with my intellect on this one. Willpower keeps me able to resist, and though I may need to one day allow in human vulnerability, its what I intend to keep basing my strength off. I Won't give in 

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." -Aristotle

N.T.Y.B.

I dont wanna relive all that shit 
ain't no stability in it 
its like I want it but dont
you think I need you and I don't 
or is it you with the needing 
cause I'm done with believing 
the shit you said was unreal to me
how you acted was foreign to me
and though I forgave you I'm more relieved
to have no worries and keep on just doing me 
I'm nowhere near being mean
I just can't see no more you & me

I'm a protector

if I feel the need to let you be, that means I'm confident that you're strong enough to handle yourself. 

my heart is closed so all I can do is protect you to show I care
I may not say it or mention it 
but I'm watching and monitoring 
you say I hate you Im done with it 
but you stay cause you fuck wit me 
and you knw I'm just struggling 
to show the love that's within me 
so I hope youll forgive me
of the times I ain't listening 
but I'm really attentive 
just can't help the insensitive 
the shit that lives in me
cause the last time I showed sympathy 
I wound up this empty

(Happy) April Fools Day

okay so now I can't sleep.

like I'm glad to have heard from him but everything he said I'm not quite fond of. it just makes me think, why do people put themselves through unnecessary shit. all for the purpose of impressing others and boosting their own egos when in the depths of their hearts and minds, and the very essence of their being they Know what they're doing is wrong. and trust I'm not pointing the finger cause I've done the shit. as humans why do we do stuff like that? and the funniest part is that in the midst of it we make excuses like I'm doing it cause I want to and I can, while people like our elders look at us and think one day they'll see. so having that same perspective as them I'm
thinking what the hell? did it really take All of that for you to have to get your life together. that damn will I tell ya. you knw man's will, the one each and every man is born with, the one God gave us and sits back and watches to see if we'll choose right over wrong, Him over the crowd...smh and it's such a shame cause it sometimes takes so long for us to figure out that we may choose our actions but someone actually gave us that choice. He could've easily made man to do Exactly what He wanted them to but noo, our God is clever, He gave us a chance And the choice to choose right. ain't that something?
But I digress, back to this random reconnect of mine. I'm almost speechless and my mind really can't process the information to the point that I can even express an emotion of any sort. this life, boy, its something else. but Ive learned that once you stop trying to figure it out and stop stressing over things you have absolutely no control over, everything becomes a bit more peaceful. I didn't say perfect, cause your life'll never be that, so get that through your head, but you'll be able to experience peace when you accept the facts of life. and I won't include a list of those facts, because they come to people differently, but I do know this, when you're at your lowest, when you've reached the very bottom of the valley and you feel like there is nothing else left know that there is a God who governs the skies, the same one who separated the night from day, the same who breathed the breath of life into man and said let us make him in our own image and after our likeness so that he may have dominion over the fish of the sea over the fowl of the air and over every living creature that crawls on the earth...thats the same God who knows exactly what He is doing and why He has you where you are. (I know cause I been there!) You werent created to Stay below but He Allows us to go through things to show us His sovereignty and help us realize that ultimately it's He that is in control.

And I guess I just preached to myself. hmph!

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Loving You (or The Way I Love You)

I love to love you 
I'm addicted to that love 
You keep dangling it
right above me 
and then pulling it back
knowing I won't leave
I look forward to that love 
I even dream about it
I'm never truly satisfied until 
I receive some of that love 
Never enjoy it too much
cause I know the real meaning 
why I love the way you love 
and am so addicted to that love 
is because you know and I know 
that the feeling is not of love 
but of lust
for we don't have the time to claim 
we know real love 

Starry Eyed

I've always liked to gaze at a night sky
the beauty of nature
the reality that there's something greater
something undeniably real ruling
the skies intrigue me

four years ago I tried to share 
the stars with you
for some reason it was taken as a joke
though I still feel the same as I did then
as if you'd ever notice
I keep my fascinations to myself 

It's Always Worst When They're Still Living

I'm forced to devour all of my emotions...

but like any meal ravished, they never properly digest.

I'm left with a stomach ache and no Pepto Bismol
for there is no medicine
created for such an ache.
How, then, do I cope with the pain
at the pit of my stomach
I heard it was unhealthy,
cancerous even...
I pray it doesn't become an ulcer.
Years of build up, you'd think
it'd happened by now, you know,
a release of some sort...
but no, each time only
adds more gunk to the pile
no enzymes to break it down
Just stuck living with all these emotions
that have no place to go.

everytime

I walk in the same direction
at the same time of day
that place, the last place, I saw you there
I retrace my steps simply to try and seee your face again
Each time I walk into your favorite location
I can't help but watch my back in case you
surprise me with your presence

It didn't use to be like this
I didn't have to guess where I'd run into you
You used to tell me
Something happened
Now I wait to hear from you
I wait for our spontaneous meetings
For those are the only times I'm able to
quench my thirst that is you.

Dreadhead

maybe it's your hair
the locks, those locks
with no key to spare
entangled, ardor riled
the strength of my desire
sir Samson
beast of the wild
tell me your secret
make it clear
cause the reality is
it just might be your hair

Valentine's Day 2011



To: You

From: Me

My sentiments Exactly

Silly by: Deneice Williams

Silly of me to think that I
Could ever have you for my guy
How I love you
How I want you
Silly of me to think that you
Could ever really want me too
How I love you

You're just a lover out to score
I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me

Silly of me to think that you
Could ever know the things I do
Are all done for you
Only for you
Silly of me to take the time
To comb my hair and pour the wine
And know you're not there

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me

Ooh...hoo...hoo...hoo...

Silly of me to go around
And brag about the love I've found
I say you're the best
Well, I can't tell the rest
And foolish of me to tell them all
That every night and day you call
When you could care less

You're just a lover out to score
And I know that I should be looking for more
What could it be in you I see
What could it be

Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me
Oh...oh...oh...love, oh, love
Stop making a fool of me, uh-huh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh...ooh...ooh...silly
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh...ooh...ooh...silly

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Silly

Happy Valentine's Day dude

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO!?

Stay sad for the rest of my life
Keep mourning you like you dead when you 300 miles away
Wait for you to come back...

You tell me, what did you want me to do?
Hold on when all you did was push me away
Keep looking at my phone waiting for the text or the call that never came
Allow you to flaunt the strength they boosted you up to have 
Hide my true feelings when I all I wanted was the person I fell in love with to reemerge?
Is that what you wanted me to do!? 

Well hell, I couldn't.

Who you think you are, you just gonna stroll right back in like nothing ever happened? hmm? 
Who you think you are, ima welcome you back with open arms? HMM! 

You're so afraid to miss out on what you think everybody's doing and too DUMB to realize you're missing out on something everybody's not entitled to have

But I do wanna let you know This,
I did TRY to wait...
you just took too long. 

Untitled 2/1/11

This is dedicated to three of the most influential people I've had be a part of my life but am no longer associated with, for more reasons than one. Mainly, in fact, in two out of the three cases, I may have done too much by wanting to take the relationship farther than it should've gone anyway, but my 'got to have what I want' attitude preceded my wisdom. Lol at the foolishness of youth. Anyway, this goes out to three friends who stole my heart and I am forever grateful for the experiences we shared.

I would love the opportunity to say something, anything, to you, but when I even attempt to think of what to say, Nothing seems good enough. It's funny how you can love someone so much, in any form of relationship and after you lose them, for whatever reason, it's hard to ever regain what you may have once had or felt. How many people have we been cool with, only to fall out with, and later on act as if nothing ever happened and reconnect. But not with you...you're a totally different case...pure, unadulterated, untainted, genuine love, this is how I felt about you. I wanted to rescue you from anything that even looked like it wanted to hurt you. I wanted to protect you, I did my best to support you, sometimes even when I knew you were wrong. I loved you with No boundaries, I loved you when you were afraid to love me. I loved you when you hurt me. I forgave you...and you, you claimed to love me. You showed me that you did. You gave me all you could...but look at us now.

No words have passed between us in almost three years. We walk past each other and look...words in the air above us, neither of us strong enough to catch them and utter them to the other. I can't speak for you, but I'd love to find out how life was going, I wouldn't mind telling you how proud I am to see you doing so well...It would do me good to know how we went from then to now.

There are three of you. Only three out of the throngs of people I've met so far in life. Three of you whom I loved and genuinely cared for, with All of me and now the only three people I can never find the words or courage to say anything to...because I Never wanted us to be apart. Forced separation doesn't make the feelings go away. You may have changed but my feelings never did. Maybe one day we'll reunite and wounds won't be as fresh. You'll be able to look at me, I'll be able to gaze at you, and we'll be able to laugh like the times before. If not, I hope you know I never stopped caring. I never stopped loving, you...three.




Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.


(Some parts of this piece are meant for all three of you inclusively, some portions are meant for one of you individually but the overall context is for all three of you.)

You & Your Look Alike

Also entitled: Queen of Dreams
Dedicated to: BT


Me you him & her
sitting around a table
looking like those dogs playing cards 

me looking at you in disgust
trying to understand why they're here 
and why we're ALL together 

you keep grinning & patting my damn arm
her eyes are so glazed all she can see is him
And he tries to act as if he's not glaring at my soul 

the scene switches and it's me
the queen of the court 
you, my king, and she, the lowly handmaid 

I laugh as I snap for her to bring me
the silver platter off to the side
you grab my hand as if to caution what's hidden underneath

i stopped listening to you long ago 
so I hear none of what you have to say
she brings the platter, with her annoying smile

I make her stand there holding the heavy platter for a while,
you continue to tell me i may not want to see this sight 

Open it!
shocked as I am
I never remember ordering an "off with his head!" 

It Just FEELS Right

skin. sweat. passion.
I swear I float when I leave your side
sighs. moans. delight. 
I smile simply thinkin of the ecstasy u provide
comfort. relief. perfection 
laying with you just feels so right 
dreams. hopes. wishes.
thoughts of u & I fill my head every night
unsure. hesitant. reluctant. 
they say if it seems too good to be true that may indeed be the case
smiles. laughs. blushing. 
the happiness that flashes across my face 
you. me. us.
we both have pasts whose thoughts about are the least bit favorable
tomorrow. next month. next year.
only time will tell if to continue we will be capable
always. forever. eternity. 
in these words I dnt believe
now. today. the present. 
i'll enjoy till the day you decide to up & leave...

Untitled 01/11

minutes turn to hours those hours turn to days
time passes between us, we've gone our separate ways

we may not speak often or connect as much as I'd like
but one day he'll be mine..or so I dream at night

Patience is a virtue & what will be will be
but when it comes to him these aren't cliches, he's supposed to be with me

Tell Me What A Friend Is

when I'm hurting I dnt think of you
when I'm happy I dnt care to share
i dnt mind not hearing from you
I'm not sure y i tolerate you...smh tolerate...

I'm sure you're confused y I feel this way though, right?
you may have erased the truth from your recollection, but I never did 
you question y u never hear from me
& as you say, you feel you're losing me

truth is, you're Not losing me
I've been gone 
the day you decided that lust, lies & secrets were more important I dropped out the race 
still unsure what I'm talking about?
I'd say ask your other friend but he has a problem remembering stuff from
five minutes ago as I'm sure he's also forgotten of this thing

BUT I remember the night like it was yesterday
anger wasn't the first emotion, neither was sadness 
if I recall I was struck with silence and shock overcame me
a feeling of detachment became my Only connection to u and has remained there since

YET you're still hanging around 
mostly my fault though cause I haven't just come out and said it
but you'd think you'd have gotten it with all the hints I've given

I'm considered the mean one but if anyone cared to find out what lurked in the mind & heart of a hurt soul, guess who you'd find? 
Me. 

it's cool though 
Jesus knew Judas would give him up and Peter would deny him
I'm sure He also knew which would kill himself over the stint & who'd ask for redemption
seeing how you never asked for the latter, I'll allow you to hang yourself in your own guilt 

My loyalty.
Your betrayal. 
Tell me what, no, tell me who, is a friend. 

I Can't Remember

dnt tell anyone but sometimes I sit and think of you 
on these mind trips I try my hardest to remember the good times
scenes flash like pictures falling out of the photo album
as if I'm floating above those exact moments
I look dwn on us, looking at each other, smiling at each other, holding each other, loving each other, and I smile...

with the blink of an eye I'm back to reality and it's hard to even imagine that any of those things ever happened 
the tears that filled my eyes for months are even dried up
I try my best to recapture any bit of emotion left but there's no luck
I attempt to question what went wrong but all I get is static
As if 'us' were merely a dream 
The good or the bad, I just can't seem to remember 

The ring is in the box, the bear is on my bed
the shoes line the closet floor as my others do
I still wear the jacket...
but these material things have all lost the sentiment they once held...but what happened to my key? 

A part of me wants to hold on to what I knew of you 
And the other part convinces me that I never really did...
Time won't sit still long enough to even let me figure my own thoughts out
so I try my best to remember...
but I just can't 

...can you? 

Two Can't Play That Game

confused isn't the word cause I know what I'm doing 
it's just hard separating this game from my emotions
hell im only human

i've dealt with this before so nothing surprises me
not even your cutesy lil lines about how much you adore me

it would seem I could easily refrain from all communication
but my curiosity won't let me resist,
your presence alone is a tempting provocation

your touch, those lips, those eyes, that...
the very essence of you...
but too much is enough to make any girl sick...

so charming yet frustrating 
so egotistical and arrogant yet sweet and titillating 

unsure what ta do with you this time around
keep you & try again 
or love you & leave you 
both choices cleverly profound

the lover in me wants ta try again
but the hurt in me says diss em like he did you 
fuck him over like you were the man
and then act as if u had no clue

so i'll try and take each day as it comes 
avoiding what the ultimate decision will & should be
it's just such a shame that even with all this thinking optimism about this whole situation you're sure to be the death of me 

when will I ever learn
niggas dnt change 
they only come back ta claim what they feel they lost out on but never really earned