So, they say don't put your eggs all in one basket. Okay, I messed up and did. For the second time, I chose the person I'd known the longest and buried feelings for over the new person I had a chance to grow with. In both cases I had to decide who I wanted most. Now, looking back, I realized I made the wrong choices. A friend of mine once told me, "Sometimes time doesn't mean anything," concerning relationships, and I'm beginning to think he was absolutely right. I'm the one to always go for what's comfortable than something new and unfamiliar. I've never been good with change, so I always choose to stay within my comfort zone. And ironic enough, I'm always the one screaming, "Take a risk!"...except when it comes to matters of the heart. The shits too scary...
I digress. Anyway, in the most recent situation I chose my past over a potential future and wound up looking like a fool. The potential stuck around, even during my break up, waiting, but eventually had to move on after I'd kept him waiting for so long. I called myself 'not ready', when in actuality I was waiting around for someone to come back in my life, who'd already decided they wanted out. Scarred by the effects it left on me, I decided to guard my heart, while another person tried so hard to break the shell.
Well, unfortunately, now he's in a relationship...actually both of them are, but the guy I had an opportunity to start fresh and new with and wouldn't give the time of day, we're still friends and it kinda kills me to know that I passed up such a great opportunity because I was so busy looking back. So busy thinking that the time factor would actually play a role in me keeping what, or in this case, who I wanted. I allowed my emotions to control me so much so until now I realize keeping my guard up wasn't as "keeping me hurt free" as I'd expected.
“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.” — Michael Cibenko
