I Wish You the Best

I wish you the best
I'm lying
I hope you fall on a knife
and lie there dying
then I'll be laughing
standing over you 
like you do me just laughing
I love you so much
I'm lying
I hope you shoot yourself in the head
and lie there dying
then I'll be there looking
right in your face
like you do me just looking
I smile when I think of you
I'm lying
I hope you rot in hell 
and spend eternity falling & dying
and I'll be there sipping my water & watching
like you do me just watching
I wish you all the happiness
I'm lying
I hope you experience everything I did
and spend your nights crying
and I'll just keep smiling
grinning from ear to ear
like you do me just smiling
I hope you find true love
I'm lying
I hope you get your heart broken into a  thousand pieces 
and spend every waking day just dying
and it wont matter to me
cuz I'll keep living like it never happened
like you did me...like it never happened

Talkin Sistas

Me: Like who? Him?
      For what?
      I heard he moved back in with his gal

Sista: And the other one?

Me: Girl he can't go a night without fucking sluts

Sista: But what about Him? he had a nice smile

Me: Yeh, he did, we flirted
       But when he got back home I guess he forgot how to dial

Sista: Well hell I remember you telling me bout som nigga that got locked up

Me: Umm, yeh, he still som nigga that got locked up

Sista: Okay, okay, I got a good one
        What about the one that went to the NFL?

Me: Ha, that brings a smile to my face but I got bad news
      He aint playing ball and he got a new girl, we'll just call him a NBL (nigga blinded by love)

Sista: mmm, well let me think, what about the tall one? you know the one with the dreads?

Me: girl, hell nah, he handsome but he a Lame
      One of them niggas that'll wind up working fa da Feds

Sista: Well damn girl! is there Annnybody you still talking to?
         Annnybody you'd at least consider calling boo?

Me: There's this one and he shonuff got my eye
      Paper bag brown, clean cut style and a air about himself no human being breathing can deny

Sista: Oh, yeh? Tell me more, I'm intrigued!

Me: Girl that's the same way I felt when I saw him
      Chills ran up and down my back, all through my sleeves
      The way he talks it's means to make you just wanna grab him and kiss him
      Buut he was with the Bullshit so I Had to dismiss him

Sista: You mean to tell me he was all of that and nothing came of it??

Me: I know right girl he wit some new chic now
      Look like a garbage can threw her up but she swear she da shit

Sista: mmh! looks like you're quite unlucky when it comes to men

Me: it seems that way, huh?..I guess on me I'll always have to depend

Sista: Girl please! Somebody'll find you! How much you wanna bet!?

Me: I know. He already did...but then he gave me back...

EAR

UNTITLED (2003)

Laughter rang loud and clear
But I didn't see anyone near
Then I realized it came from inside

I had no feeling of remorse
Just the feeling that someone blew out my torch
The flame that had been destroying my flesh

I wanted to clean the mess I created
But I figured, pretty soon the blood will have evaporated

All of a sudden I felt something wet
Run down my face
This new thought I could not erase

I just killed my bestfriend
Made their whole life end
Yet I feel free
As if a burden had been lifted from me

As I sit here looking at you
Wondering how I could have been so cruel
It's a little too late to say sorry now

EAR

DAYDREAMING (2003/4)

I'm all alone in a cold solitary place
No one can hear me or see the chilling look upon my face
I'm not longing for attention or hoping for an embrace
Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean I am displaced
Dark corridors and walls surrounding
There's no Prince Charming crouched down on one knee
Not a good dream to you it may seem
All the darkness, no lighting or gleam
But look deeper into the enveloping darkness
Don't be stubborn but harken
For there lies something gracious
Above and beyond all not to be mistaken for shapeless
Like an angel it guards and like a mist it lingers
Don't be afraid, reach for its fingers
Its warm interior and comfortable hold
What is this beautiful creature?
Please wait, and let it unfold
It slowly opens its eyes for the very first time
Beholding this wretched place watching all the sin and crimes
Its thoughts say I don't need this I'd rather have peace
But I say I need you to come and hold me
In this cold solitary place
Erase the chilling look off my face
It smiles and answers For you my child
Living in this pit, to rescue you, will be worth the while
So I become content and begin to shine
This heartfelt spirit has just become mine
Then I wake up startled and shudder all over
What a beautiful daydream I have just uncovered
But later on I realize I'm safe and free
Maybe my spirit did come and rescue me*

EAR

*last 2 sentences up for revision

For C.S.

I wanna get to know you. From the day we actually had a real conversation I knew there was something different about you. Before then it was your handsomeness that had me drawn but after realizing the depth of your intelligence I knew for sure I had to have you. I know you like to keep to yourself and that's cool. It lets me know you have enough confidence that you don't need anyone to validate you as important, cause you're too focused on you. Your smirk that's often confused as a smile on your face lets me know you're always thinking and I like that, cause often times thinking equates to dreaming and that means you have vision. See I think I've scoped you out a lil bit, well enough to know that it's you I want because it's more of you I must get to know.

EAR

NOV 4TH

I didn't call back to see if it mattered
I see it didn't
Just like I expected
But I'm expecting too much
And I know you're not mine
But I don't think you understand
You're the closest thing I have to comfort
If I could take you and put you in another person
Trust me you wouldn't hear from me
But your attention is what I crave
It's what I desire
And what I've become accustomed to
There's nothing you can do that'd make me leave your side
Cause you're not mine I can pretend I don't care and feign that emotion till it manifests
Deep down I wish you'd consider the possibilities
You're so full of nonchalance and this I love and despise
Because we match
Like two peas in a pod
But I'm crazy for these thoughts and that I can admit
So I keep em to myself
and every time I test you to see if it really matters
I keep proving myself right

EAR

Secretlies

it's something they're not telling us
it can't be another way
they smile to us and laugh with each other at night
while we wonder in dismay
I know his secret she has to too
she can't be blind
the act everyone can see right through
so it's gotta be a joke
maybe a deal of some sort
cause I refuse to believe she doesn't know of the accused reports
I try to stay away from judgement
but this doesn't seem right
he really went as far as to ask her to be his wife??
well damn maybe it could be real
maybe it's not a joke maybe not a deal
but then does that mean my intuition is wrong
cause I don't know what she sees
but that other side of him shows up pretty strong
Lord Jesus all I can do is pray
but deep down I know that dude my cousin bout to marry is gay

EAR

WHAT DAY IS THIS?

Night falls, I cry
In the day, I smile
Night falls again, I remember
Tomorrow, I forget
Sunday I pray
Saturday I sin
Thursday I thought of you
Friday night I drank away all the memories
Last month the same old story
Next month we meet again
Yesterday I loved you
Tonight....I still do.

EAR

MOUNTAIN GLORY

Reality used to be beautiful
A dream of epic proportions
Plans for the future and goodbye to the past
My vision was clear no sign of distortion
Heart content and soul festive
Night time was the Brightest
Dangers seen and unseen
Yet your arms protective
Perfection I'd reached and the sight was glorious
Escaping all battles Together we were victorious
I decided to take a walk in the shadows
To ponder on what might've been missing
Stepped down into the valley for the sole purpose of reminiscing
I found myself being swallowed up and almost drowned in sorrow
The earth quaked tremendously and I could only wish for the morrow
I began to sink and was frightened at the thought of my diminish
All I could say was
"But I'm not finished"
The harder I fought to pull myself out of the pit
I realized my ascension, my fight, my will and desire not to quit
The strength I found I 'thought' I had in 'you'
But after hitting rock bottom I gained a totally different view
Reality's no longer beautiful, my dreams no longer epic
Sight isn't the clearest and the past and the future are no longer separate
Perfection, I know of none and its ceased to exist
I've replaced naivety with wisdom and a little acceptance to assist
Life's no bed of ease no long lasting contentment
It's a place where broken promises are the results of such said commitment
But after the rode traveled and lesson learned
I made it through without you a Champion
And my title's well earned

EAR

DOUBLE CONSCIOUSNESS

THE DREAM

Wonder if he feels the same
Like me does he imagine me screaming his name
I wonder if he dreams the dreams
if he thinks the things,
the same very things
the things that mean the most
when I speak of him I boast
I smile a smile the smile unseen
for time has passed since the smile saw a scene
wonder does he smile the smile the same very smile
the one that makes my heart gleam
could it be the same very things I say when I'm away
He says the same in his own very special way
does he wonder if and wonder when
wonder the time we end of friends and begin again
but this time to transcend
the time when these thoughts were only when
and only if
but would we drift
would we regret the if
regret the when
regret the time we end as friends
or should we depress the wonder
forget the dream
and rather me not scream his name
should we remain
wonder does he think the same...

THE REALITY

That's just my wondering brain
He probably doesn't think a thing
Neither does he feel a thing
Nothing's the same
Nothing I thought ever became
A thought to say the same
Of course it's never crossed his mind
He's never called me his mine
He's never thought a thing of this matter
His mind has never dreamed
Never saw the things I seen
Of us
Of we
We belong
But of course he just plays along
A friend he knows he is that and that alone
He's never thought these things
Not of me
Never realized the smile he brings
To me
Never realized its to me he clings
Just a friend is all it means
Though to me it does not seem
So clear through smoke screens
The truth revealed of those things
But I'll accept these things he does not see
And leave the dreams
the wonder
to me.

EAR